Friday, July 27, 2007

New Review!

For those who care, I occasionally write Video Game reviews for the fun peeps at's Wham! Gaming.

It's no Mark Twain, but if you want to kill a few seconds and have a read, let me know what you think.

Someday, I'd like to do this for money. In the mean time, free games certainly don't hurt. (P.S If anyone actually owns The Bigs on XBOX360, let me know and we'll have a game).

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Hip Hop Kids

Who'd have thunk that one of my favorite comedians this year would have been Justin Timberlake. Not me, that's who.
But here I am linking to yet another SNL sketch (from the same christmas special) that I can't help but love.
To me, there's a few different types of SNL sketches: the really long political ones, the character pieces and the insanely goofy stuff they leave until the end in case they need something to cut.
Well...let's just say, I'm glad they didn't cut this one....although I can see why they may have been a littly iffy about showing it.
So enjoy. It took me a little while to find it. Here's hoping NBC doesn't arrest my sketch embedding ass.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Tough As Nails Showdown

Look - I'm not saying Jack Baeur may have lost his title as king bad ass, all I'm saying is that after watching the latest Die Hard last night, I'm pretty sure John McCain could give him a run for his money.

But, instead of just speculating, I thought it would be best to perform a purely scientific comparison between the two.

Catch Phrases
Jack: Damnit.
John: Yippee Kayeh Mutherfucker (sp?)
Winner: Jack. From a pure quantity over quality angle, Jack's been known to make ample use of his trademark 'damnit' 10 times per scene (i.e "Damnit Chloe, I need those Satellites", "Damnit Bill, I need access." or "Damnit, my man-purse is missing." Then there's John who only occasionally mutters his just before delivering the final cumuppins to his nemisis. One could argue that this refined use make's John's a little more poignant, but since the catchphrase in its entirety was not heard in the last movie, I must unfortunately announce the first disqualification. Hence: Jack wins. Damnit!

Jack: While 'depressingly stoic' technically counts a personality, it's likely that Jack is often 'mistakenly' left out of a majority of CTU social functions.
John: Sure, he's an asshole, but he's an asshole with a heart and shucks, that's what counts.
Winner: John. Sure fighting terrorists is a little hard on the soul, but where Jack scampers around like a stressed-out hamster, John has a little more fun with his danger.

Jack: Man-purse
John: Whatever he was wearing before shit went down.
Winner: John. True, I'm a man-purse fan myself, but if we're really gunning for badass here, it's best to leave the nail clippers at home.

Ability to down helicopters
Jack: Proficient with helicopter shooting abilities, yes.
John: Uses cars as projectiles because, quote 'I was out of bullets'
Winner: John. Shooting down helicopters is sooo 2002. Using a police car as a cannon? That's the future, my friends.

Ability with Computers
Jack: Excellent. Nary a terrorist, renegade political leader or hard drive can escape Jack's PDA skills.
John: "I'm not too good with this computer shit". Nuff said.
Winner: Jack. An unfair category? Maybe. But considering the technological requirements of today's heros, John should be taking it onto himself to at least enroll in a couple college courses. He's a timex in a digital age. Hah! I made that one up. Actually, no I didn't. It's in the movie.

The 'Walk it Off Factor'
Jack: Once thought impervious to pain, Jack Baeur has indeed shown signs of 'hurting' and or 'sadness' on occasion. Of course, these are few and far between and usually always following 24 hours of beatings, deaths, car crashes, drug addictions, starvation, exhaustion and sexual frustration.
John: More likely to laugh than show pain after getting shot, John has a scary ability to survive the most dangerous of situation and be found bouncing along like he just woke up from a nap in the next scene.
Winner: Jack. Although both have displayed an amazing ability to recover from the most dangerous stunts, Jack has had a few rougher days than John and is still not injured in the slightest or bat shit insane. Then there's the whole 'saving the United States immediately following his 3 year imprisonment in a Chinese torture camp' that gives him the edge needed to take the category.

Luck with the Ladies
Jack: Sketchy at best. Jack has had a few romantic interests, but few have a) survived or b) not fallen into a coma. In all, Jack is most likely to be using his PDA for less noble activities after-hours.
John: Also sketchy. Spends a little too much time saving his ex's ass than getting some of his own. Except in the last movie; nary a boob to be seen.
Winner: Tie. Sure, Jack's snuck a kiss or two in CTU hallways, but neither's track record is anything spectacular. I guess that's the whole 'tortured hero' thing for you.

Conclusion: An unintentional tie. Seriously - I was hoping to convince myself that Jack was still the man, but doing the tally I see that he has truly met his match.

Oh, wait! 1 more category:

Jack: Neatly coiffed.
John: None.
Winner. Jack.

Thatta boy Jack!!

Friday, July 13, 2007

What Were They Thinking: Episode 1

I like saying 'Episode 1' because it implies that I will be keeping this up (a) and 'b' it kind of kicks me in the ass to do so.That said - it's time for the first installment of 'Inside the Mind' the time when I look at promotional posters and ask "Hey Matt, What do you think they're thinking?"

First up Cuba Gooding Junior:
"Just to confirm...we're sure Eddie Murphay wasn't your first choice right? Hey, any of you guys remember when I won that Oscar? You know I can act right? No? No problem. Hey, if you have any friends, please tell them I'm available if, you know, they have a movie or something. No biggy."

Second up: Billy Corgan

"Hey guys, this is broody right? I mean, this it what the kids are into. Zeitgeist? Sure they'll get it. No, I don't really know what it means. Oh. It means that? So being out of the scene for years probably makes this album name sound completely contradictory. Bummer. Hmm. I Got it. Hank, can I borrow your neon cross? I totally want to make a vague christian reference. Kids like angst right? God I hope I'm still relevant."

"Damnit. The dryer. I turned off the dryer right? Think, Optimus, Think. Took out the clothes, shut the door and then ... shit. I hope Bumblebee signed those apartment insurance papers. Note to self: take out chicken."

"What do you mean the title of this movie is a crack at my career? You name me one time I ever played an 'no silly business rough-around-the-edges cop' forced to take on an extrodinary situation and I'll...what's that? You can name ten off the top of your head? Oh. Look, let's shoot this so I start filming that new movie where I play a rugged cop who has to ... shit!"

Oritz: "I'm so going to mangle the shit out of you.
Shamrock: "Not before I tear your ass up in front of the world.
Oritz: "Hey, is that Kalvin Klein?"
Shamrock: "Smells good eh?"
Oritz: "Yeah, it does. Walmart?"
Shamrock: "London Drugs."
Oritz: "I have to there tonight to pick up Sleep-E-Z for Nancy, maybe I'll pick some up."
Shamrock: "Good idea. I love you."
Oritz: "What?"
Shamrock: "I love ... the game. I love this sport. Is what I meant.
Oritz: "...good."

Well that's all for today...please send requests to

Damnit Blogger!

Damn you Blogger. Won't let me add pictures of my own eh? EH? Well I'll show you.
Uh....please come back. Blog is under repair. I'd have a picture of a guy in a hardhat working on a computer, but yeah...assholes.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Back From the Easy

Well, I'm back from my adventures in the East.
Yes, a week with the ole parents did wonders and I'm ready to take on life with a fresh new outlook and a full reserve of wide-eyed determination.
In a nutshell, I learned the following during my vacation:

-Things change, situations change, relationships change, but people - not so much. Maybe at the surface level, yes, but no big surprises and I couldn't be happier.
- Transformers is fan-freakin-tastic
- Fantastic Four - not so much
- Sleeman Original Draft is a good beer
- I've gotten worse at Poker
- Likewise Super Smash Brothers (f**ing fan)
- Absense does make the heart grow fonder
- My parent's definition of 'chilly' is largely exaggerated
- Niagara Falls gets better with age
- And so does a relationship with good friends and family. Awwww.

When I get back into the swing of things, I'll have some fancy entries. In the meantime, I'm absolutley loving the 'Cloverfield' movie trailer. I'd link to it, but it's pretty hard to find a copy now that hasn't been taken down. Do yourself a favor and look -