Tuesday, January 30, 2007

50th Post Spectacular Prelude

Get ready for it kids, it's gonna be big!
It's also going to be an idea directly ripped off from attenion whore (see side link).
Oh, and it'll technically be the 51st Post. Damnit.

Just a few thoughts:
a) By my own fault, my 24 mini-obsession has become well known. And a bit creepy. Here's an unofficial declaration that I will consciously try to limit the Jack Bauer mentions. Actually, screw that, this is MY friggin blog.
b) Did you know that it is now more financially viable to farm gold for World Of Warcraft than it is to farm rice? Now you know...and now you're as scared for the future as I am.
c) I see that many people are visiting. Say hello! And to the few who comment, thank you for filling that need for commenting in my life. I will remember you.

Otherwise, stay tuned for the not-so-original 51st Post Extravaganza!

Friday, January 26, 2007

My Dream Wedding

Couldn't help but posting these (albeit they're tiny since I'm not paying extra to get them ordered).

Ma and Pa Bradford made their trip to and renewed their vows via the memphis man himself. Yes, Elvis (re) married my parents. Yup - still fun after all these years. I can only hope to repeat this years later (if Elvis is still alive).
Even better - I wonder if Jack Bauer will be marrying people in the future. That'd be awesome - imagine: 24 minutes to get married. A fake explosion. Satellite imagery for photos. A bunch of desks in the corner with computer genuises coordinating the entire ceremony. And just in the middle of me saying my vows Jack Bauer would smash into the church and take a hostage (preferrably a younger family member) and threatens to shoot them if I don't tell him where *insert terrorist* is hiding. Then said terrorist will pop out of a secret nook in the altar and run down the aisle. Jack would pull one of his patended superman karate moves and kill the guy in one jaw-breaking kick to the face.
We'd all applaud. I'd finish my vows.

Sniff....weddings are such beautiful things.
Oh - one last with ma and pa. Look closely! Congratulations!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Conscious...just barely

Sweet jebus I'm tired.
I don't want mean to bitch and moan, but man I could use a nap.
It's my fault. MJ started her new morning shift which has her going to bed at 9pm and waking at 3:30am. So instead of going to bed earlier (so as to offset the 3:30am alarm wake-up), I'm doing nothing different. Which...apparantly, isn't working.
Long story short...I'm here...but just barely. That last cup of ass (.25$ office coffee) helped, but otherwise I'm in a daze.
Oh...and that wasn't a typo. We have to pay for coffee at our office. Tweedle-facking-dee.
So - thanks for coming - I'll drop a few links for your time. And yeah, I'll attempt to make them non-game related. Maybe.

The first is a nifty companion to watching 24. It's one guy's opinion (Aaron, methinks), but still a nice nod to the series: Check it out - Character Countdown

The second is an amazingly nifty/uber nerdy recreation of Star Wars using hands. I'm pretty sure that's not the only thing these people re-create using their hands. ZING!
Check it out: Hand Wars

And finally, for mr. Anonymous who complained about lack of 'space' coverage - cool images from space! See them by clicking this fancy link

That's it. Go home!

Friday, January 19, 2007

World of Warcraft and the Cure for Cancer

Slowly and surely, WoW is taking over the world. I'm reminded of that Star Trek episode where everyone returns from a planet wearing this weird eye-thing that allowed them to play some kind of "disc in pipe" game 24/7. Of course, this meant zero productivity around the Enterprise and it took do-gooder Wesley to play the ultimate buzz-kill and disconnect the crew. Jerk.

Anyways - I'm reminded of this because 0.1% percent of the human population plays WoW. That's not that much when you consider that 2% of the population probably also rented The Devil Wears Prada, but that's a sizeable chunk of human beings regardless.
So I got to thinking - how can society make use of that untapped potential? WoW has already proven that someone will spend an entire year of his life to acquire some digital moose-horns or to get virtual laid - so why not use that same blind devotion for good?

What if, to become some kind of grand overlord +89 Fire Elf (or something), you needed to cure cancer? Provide a workable solution to world hunger? Raise money for the United Way? Hell - these people are paying a little penny to subscribe, what if they could buy a virtual donation pin. Everyone knows that Level 70 Orc Priestess Chicks dig guys who donate. Am I wrong?

It seems to me that our best shot of collaborting is happening right now in the dungeons and villages of WoW. Obsessed or not, these 8+ million players LOVE goals and LOVE parading their success. I say - use it!

The revolution begins! Press start.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Published on the Interweb!

It's true - and it took virtually zero bribes to make it happen!
Thanks to the fine folks at Canoe's Wham! Gaming (yes, that was a plug), I've been given a chance to flex my video game journalism muscle(s?).
For how long, who knows, but I'm told another game is in the mail, so here's hoping for a repeat performance.
Either way, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited.

Anyways, you can read the review here: http://wham.canoe.ca/
Or, for a more direct approach: Click Here

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

For Your Linking Pleasure...

Two really interesting links to highlight today - one really important and one just kind of funny (in a doctors killing thousands of people kind of way).

First up - I'll let the article speak for itself, but I'm always overjoyed when someone actually plays a controversial game before simply caving to public opinion. In this case, Clive Thompson over at Wired sat down with the uber touchy Columbine RPG and , well, you'll see.
As a quick rundown: the Columbine RPG follows the events of the Columbine massacre, putting the player in control of the pyschotic Erik and co. A knee-jerk reaction would be reactions of disgust at even the thought of such a game, but it's evident by now that it wasn't created to entertain, but to make a point.
Since its release, the game has been nominated (and subsequently banned) for an award and generally shot down for its apparant poor taste.
Anyways - have a read and make up your own mind. I'd just like to put it out there (again) that the gaming public eats up war simulations and other games based on atrocities, so why exactly are people crying outrage at this?

Secondly, and less serious (well...I guess not really) is this little ditty about doctor's killing people with bad writing. And I thought I was the only one! Ba-doom ching!

That's all for now folks.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

A 24 Preview, Small Furry Things and MJ's New Shift

I had a few things to run though and zero desire to separate them into individual posts.

1) 24. Fox had a stroke of genius and released the first 4 episodes of the new season before it even aired. Needless say, I smacked down my 10 bucks faster than you can say 'PUT DOWN THE GUN!' .
For those of you less fortunate who still have to 'wait for cable tv', I won't spoil too much. Suffice to say, Chloe re-positions a satellite against orders (yay me!), a crap load of people die, Jack tears out a jugular with his bare teeth, thwarts a terrorist attack and changes clothes two times....in the first two episodes! Yes, it did move. Sorry MJ.

2) A funny story - two nights ago, Marijana awoke to something small and furry crawling across her legs. Later, she would say that she thought it was me (for other reasons than the obvious), but it turns out our hamster Meatwad had not only escaped, but had survived the fall from the cage, the trip through the kitchen and the climb into bed. We weren't angry - we were impressed. We also felt horrible for putting her back after all the effort it must have took. Of course, being a hamster, it couldn't really show us its pure hatred, but we hope she understood.

3) MJ begins her shift as morning anchor at her station. You can listen to her every hour on the hour from 5am - 12 Noon. That is ... if you live in Red Deer. Otherwise, I'll see about getting her to type up transcripts.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

24: The Drinking Game

Admittidly, I was a little late climbing aboard the 24 train. I hopped on two seasons in and after 2 week's of DVD marathons I was not only addicted, but I was madly in man-love with Jack Bauer.

Last year, Marijana came across my hidden Jack Bauer magazines and downloaded movies. It was an awkward conversation, but now she's learning to accept - nay - foster my obsession with the man who doesn't sleep. Ever. Not even for like 15 minutes in a car.

So, in celebration of season 6 (starting this weekend on Fox, check your local listings), it's time to break out the spiced rum and fruit juice (and/or manly beer) and play along...

Take 1 Drink Everytime Jack Bauer disobeys a direct order
Take 1 Drink Everytime he's forgiven by superiors mere hours later
Take 2 Drinks Everytime Chloe begrudginly re-aligns a satellite or hacks into a protected database for Jack (thereby disobeying a direct order)
Take a long sip Everytime a hard drive is recovered that must immediately be cracked only to discover that it has been heavily encrypted and will therefore be unbreakable until minutes before the information on said hard drive is needed.
Take 1 Shot Everytime Chloe groans, frowns, pouts or otherwise shows disdain
Take an Entire Drink Everytime the CTU head-honcho dies or is replaced
Take a tiny tiny sip For every person (terrorist or otherwise) who gets shot
Take a hard shot Everytime you ask yourself: "Doesn't anyone sleep, eat or crap in this organization??"
Drink straight from the bottle Everytime Jack says something to the effect of "DROP YOUR GUN, DROP THE GODDAMN GUN!"
Take a cold drink Everytime Jack's emo daughter Kim is shoe-horned in for a guest appearance.
Shotgun a Beer Everytime a major character bites it
Chug Everytime Jack has to make a hard moral decision that will, ultimately, benefit the many while sacrificing the few because, man, that's what it takes in the real world. Conviction! You can't limp in to a terrorist negotiation, you have to seize power right from the start and show those motherfuckers that you aint fucking you around - and if that means beheading a witness? Well...shit...then that's what has to happen. It's life, man - and life's unfair. You think Jack wants to keep saving your sorry asses? No...but he has to. He has to for his wife, Kim and all the people that have died so you can walk down the street without fear of suitcase bombs and radiation. So just back off, man! Back off! You want a hero? He's right in front of you and he's begging you to PUT THE GUN DOWN!
Enjoy responsibly.

Monday, January 08, 2007

An Open Letter to Sirius Satellite Radio

Dear Sirius Satellite Radio.

Vagina. Cock. Titties. See? I can be uncensored too. Kind of fun, eh? In fact, I'm just going to go ahead and insert those three words every second sentance in case you forgot how 'uncensored' and trendy I am.
Shit. Fuck. Cock. Man I'm like the Flavor Flave of white guys!
Anyways, just writing to say hello. I'm not actually paying for your service yet as I received it free for 6 months, but believe me when I say that I'll be lining up to pay money once my free preview is over. What was that again? 150$ set up and 15 bucks a month? Sign me up! Hey - when are you packaging air? Can I get on the short list?
Anus. Nipples.
You know one of the main things I hated about regular radio? The lack of discussion on blowjobs and anal sex. So imagine my surprise when these VERY issues were being discussed on virtually every channel (save for the Disney Channel). What's more, no matter which of your 'speciality' channels I'm on, I can always rely that the discussion will inevitably turn to sex and/or blantant homophobia and racism. Suggestion: perhaps you could better market yourselves as 'Howard Stern Sirius Radio: 200 Channels of Everyone trying to be Howard Stern'. Maybe that title's too long? Just a thought.
Quick question - why place the absolutely crude adult humor one channel away from the family humor? I'll answer that - because you guys are genius.
Cock. Poo. Herpes.
I do have one problem though. I seem to be getting unwanted interference At various 'breaks', I will hear commercials or 60 second long promos instead of non-stop laughery and today's #1 hits. Perhaps I should buy an upgrade? I'm totally down with commercial free radio - of course, as long as there aren't any pre-recorded sponsor-paid advertisements. Which they're aren't....right? Must be a hardware thing.
Oh - and your songs are stuck on loop. Again - might be my system.
Otherwise, guys, keep up the good work. Before you I just downloaded podcasts for free. Now I can listen to them on an always-changing schedule.
It's a brave new world.

I (heart) you,
Matt Bradford

Friday, January 05, 2007

Link Lot #3 Bride of Linkzilla

Upcoming posts include a review of Sirius Radio (hint: includes needless swear words and repetitive references to blow jobs) and TV Chicks That Could Kick My Ass.
In the meantime, please enjoy the following:

First up - more proof that mother nature is a stone cold bitch. Also, why I'll never again have a snail as a pet...or zombie maggots (A good blog to boot).

Second up - a whack-load of old system games you can play right in your browser. Not to be used during work ... of course.

Third up - Hiro from Heroes (arguably the best character on the show) on Jay Leno. Special points for the Dick in a Box reference.

And finally - a collection of mini (and true) ghost stories for the paranormal geek - on the go!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Marketing - Bradford Stylz

I just noticed that someone came to my blog after searching for the 'Bradford Exchange' on google. Whether he (quite possibly she) stayed long enough to realize their horrible, horrible mistake, I don't know.
But it did give me an idea.
In the spirit of viral/bad marketing, I'm planting the following popular search phrases with hopes of luring unsuspecting webizens:

Porn. Teens. Hot. Lost theories. 911 Conspiracies. Bush. Brittney Spears' nethers. Paris Hilton. Cute puppies. Kittens. Free kittens. How to cook kittens. Dieting. Top 10 of 2007. Worst 10 of 2007. Mel Gibson. Iraq. XBOX360. PS3 sucks. Wii. More Porn. Schoolgirls. Family guy. Grey's Anatomy. The. Earth. Random. Hockey. Baseball. Curling. Golf. Cookies. Superman. Batman. Spiderman 3. Heroes. 24. New Trailer. Teaser trailer. Busty porn. Resolutions. Misguided Blogs. Love. Hate. Apathy. More porn than you can download.

I think that covers it...let the flood begin!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Is 'Dick In the Box' the new 'Cowbell'?

A fleeting flash of genius or the next great quotable SNL skit?

Well, with both my parents and my grandparents singing 'Dick in a Box' last week, I'm inclined to think the latter. Since posting the link (and subsequently emailing it on a whim to random contacts), it seems that Dick Fever has spread like wild fire.
Wait...let me explain.
If you haven't seen SNL Mock-video, scroll down a couple entries and thank me later.
If you have, then you may know what I mean when I say that this little gem may very well be the new 'Cowbell' sketch. No, I'm serious. I feel like I'm backstabbing an old friend but damnit, it just might be true.
(ps: If you haven't seen the cowbell sketch, well friend, its been good but I think we should see other people.)
But how can I be so sure? Well...I can't. But here's a purely unscientific comparison:

Mock Factor
Cowbell: Took a shot at my Dad's kind of music
DIAB: Took a shot at my Mom's type of music.
Winner: Dick in a Box (sorry mom)

Use of SNL Actors
Cowbell: Self defacing comic genius Will Ferrill (sp?)
DIAB: Up and coming guy ... you know - he did that funny Lettuce Short.
Winner: Cowbell

Use of Celebrity
Cowbell: Christopher Walkin's stop/start acting style has always been accidently entertaining. Add to that a few pauses and offstage glances and you have classic Walkin.
DIAB: Dirty Popper Justin Timberlake taking on his own genre of music? Priceless. Sporting a pimp-stache? Pricelesser. Yeah, I went there.
Winner: Tie

Best Usage of a Dick in a carrying Compartment
Cowbell: N/A
DIAB: Abundent
Winner: Dick in a Box

Clearly, science comes through. And while I've always been a gigantic supporter of Cowbell, I can't avoid the simple facts.
So sing with me now....step 1, cut a hole in the box....

Monday, January 01, 2007

2007: A Year In Preview

Well...its good to be back. I'm full of family home cooking and rest and ready to roll for another year.
Stay tuned in the next few days for PhotoRama 2007, a multi-part expose of the last three months as captured by my handy collection of disposable cameras.
Also stay tuned for more "Matt and MJ" restaurant reviews and a special tribute to my new favorite SNL sketch of all time.
Until then, a brief rundown of thanks to the following:

Mom and Dad: For another great Christmas, copious amounts of free alcohol, more food than I could ever hope to process this month and making home feel like I haven't left. Save for the million or so birds.
Marijana: For making Red Deer a great place to come back to and for my new Bowie Bear.
Steve and Maree: For helping me shop last minute, for the super-classy Egyptian art and Steve, for winning more money than me at the casino and letting me get away with not pitching in for gas. Oh - and for being an awesome friend.
Mike, Megan and the Dinner Crew: In the category of awesome friends, special thanks to Mike, Megan and other attendants at last thursdays dinner. This thanks also includes thanks for the Hookah pipe and episodes of Arrested Development.
Shea, Ricky, Larry and Smitty: For taking my money - Larry especially for introducing a game that has nothing to do with strategy and left me broke in a matter of minutes. Damn you Post. DAMN YOU.
Shawn and George: For lunch and a quick visit. Always great seeing you guys.
The Folks at the Office: For covering my work (at least, so I'm assuming).
All the Rest Reading This: For coming back! Tell your friends!

Well...I promise something good to read shortly. Until then, Happy 2007.