Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Keep Em Coming!

The entries, I mean. Keep em coming! And if you don't know what I mean, head down a post and check out the contest.

Also, and if you really can't stand wading through a year of immensely entertaining posts, you could always copy the answers posted in the comment section by someone who obviously has complete disregard for policies and procedures. Still, they may not be right. (And I'm hoping they aren't so I don't have to commit myself to drawing a 'giant package').

In the meantime, kiddies, thought I'd rant a bit about Nintendo.
Now, to begin, you have to know that I pretty much grew up on Nintendo. I was the generation that called it 'Super Mario BrAs' because I didn't know 'Bros.' was a short form of 'Brothers'. Tecmo Superbowl was my afternoon activity and Super Smash Brothers was the only way Steve and I could decide who would do the essential work in our lovely downtown apartment (i.e dishes, bathroom cleaning, laundry, feeding the hamster).
*I should note that because of Steve's uncanny ability to find the most cheapest moves in any game (I'm looking at you fan abuser), my wins were few and far between. Which is why, when I look back on things, I probably got into RPG's and other single player outings.*
In any case, what I'm saying is that I was a Nintendo fanboy before the word 'fanboy' crapped itself into the Videogame Lexicon. So you have to believe me when I say that it pains me now to fire a shot against the big N.
But I will. Because someone has to. And there's literally nothing left to do at work.
p.s: A note to Newcap readers - I'm kidding.
So here it is. Nintendo - you've become a dick (See picture above of your negligent-pop-culture whoring). Seriously, you've grown far, far FAR too self-important for your own good and its time to knock you down a peg.

Now, here's where I should be launching into a tirade. And that was the plan until I realized that I posted a similar entry like this at And no, you didn't know it existed because no one read it. So I thought I'd share it with you today:

It begins:

Dear Nintendo,

I've had it up to here with the whole Nintendo Superiority complex, And by 'here', I mean 'mid-neck level' - so while not 'extremely annoyed', I'm not beyond punching the next Nintendo Fanboy in the throat for talking about how Wii sports changed the way we play games. And this is my main problem. It seems like every Wii automatically comes with a soapbox and inflated sense of what it means to be a TRUE GAMER (insert reverb and heroic music).Time magazine even featured the damn thing as if it were the cure for Cancer. People, can we look at this from beyond sales stats and extremely inflated word of mouth? It's a controller for craps sake. Granted, being able to faithfully reproduce physical movements in a virtual medium is a cool trick, it's certainly nowhere near the leaps and bounds in innovation seen elsewhere in the industry. I'm talking about innovations in online play, storytelling, gameplay mechanics, length, audio and graphics. And yes, graphics matter.
Put aside your snobdom for a second and look at this rationally. Better graphics equal better immersion. And I don't care how cool it is to shoot soldiers by flicking your wrist, if they look like jagged zombies, I'm going to switch systems in a flash.

(Whoa! It's like I'm in a REAL game!)
This, in a nutshell, is why I opted for an XBOX 360 instead of a Wii; substance - something beyond mini games and shoehorned controls. I want polish, a sense of epic production values and something new. Good god something new! Sure, for some people it may be fun waiting for those 2 or 3 Zelda/Metroid/Mario titles to show up every 2 years or so, but for me it's like waiting in the cheap theatre for some umpteenth sequel when I could be in the new megaplex watching something new.
Ok, bad analogy.
Here's the deal, my Wii friends have been defending the system since they got it. But what are they playing now? Virtual console games and old gamecube titles. Does that make sense? I thought this system was supposed to be a revolution? So why is there such a heavy emphasis on downloading games you could have easily emulated or bought in the last 2 decades? Oh - I know...because aside from the superb first party franchises, all that's left are 3rd party ports, mini game retreads and disney movie adaptations.

THIS is why Nintendo is dominating the market? What are they putting in the punch??Now just so I'm clear - I don't hate Nintendo. I really do WANT to want the Wii, but I don't want to do it because the sales are at a record high and I'm a giant game hating technophobe if I don't. Motion sensing does not an innovate game make. It's so many other things and, quite frankly, Nintendo just isn't delivering on their promise. Now, if you'll excuse me, Oblivion calls.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

100th Post Spectacular!

Yes. 100 posts. Roughly a 1:10 ratio of readers to posts, but an achievement all the same!
So what to do at 100 posts? Hold the very first contest of course! Merely by searching back through past posts (face it, you have nothing better to do), you can win a chance to see your cartoon image front and centre on the SomethingBradford screen!
'What's that' you say?! A FREE Matt-made picture? Of ME?'s true and all you have to do is correctly answer 5 of the 6 questions below to qualify. Oh - and you have to comment. No emails. No random mentions in the hall. Down and dirty commenting.

So here we go!

1- What is my official Pimp Name? (Hint: 2006)
2- Recite 3 lines from 'Ode to Dick Superman'
3- Name at least 1 game I wrote a review for: (Bonus points if you use the word 'visionary', 'best' or 'unbelievably entertaining' in reference to review.
4-When did Meatwad make her comic Debut?
5-Who won in the Great Jack Bauer Vs. Die Hard Guy battle?
6-Who officiated over my parents' wedding vow renewal?

Good luck and god speed. I'll give you a day or so.

*UPDATE: Its been brought to my attention that posting your answers in the comment section would be pretty stupid considering all one would have to do is wait for the first person to answer. Therefore, please email all answers instead to can comment...if you want.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Mocha in

I know I'm totally going to be the father who shows pictures of his kids about 20 million times a day.
Everyone will be at their desks and I'll come in the room and they'll turn to each other and say 'shit, I bet he has new pictures. Damnit Bradford!'
So on that note - more hamster business. I couldn't NOT post this .... right?

*Update: This isn't Meatwad nor is it me. Come on, like I'd use heart flash wipes in a video. Puhleeease*

*Update 2: apparantly by attempting to edit this post, I erased the video. If you were really interested, look up 'Mocha' and 'Hamster' on Youtube.

Metazoa Ludens

Last night I had a dream about taking Meatwad outside to play amongst the grass, rocks and dirt. It was cute.
Then I saw this and nearly shat.
I'm hoping this can be scaled down, developed and marketed for a reasonable price in Meatwad's lifetime because, damn, mixing videogames AND meatwad? A dream come true.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

AB Post Clarification

Just to clarify a few questions brought to me by various readers.

i) It did not take that long to find the pictures of the ads. Thus, I was not 'looking for male ads on the internet' for longer than, say, 3 minutes.
ii) No, that last picture is not of me.
iii) I have just now deleted both pictures from my hard-drive at work.
iv) I'm not sure if 'hard-drive' is hyphonated.
v) Not so much an answer, but an edit. So as to ensure that people don't get the wrong idea about this blog, I'm attaching the following picture.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Wanted: My Abs

LOST: 1 Set of Rockin' Ads

(Artist Representation)

REWARD: Negotiable
LAST SEEN: Sometime around Summer of 2000 - near the Ryerson Pub and/or the Young Street Pizza Pizza.
Likely in hiding with 'Innocence', 'Youth' and 'Care-free Summer days of Life'
DETAILS: Infrequent trips to the gym and half assed, self-made dieting programs have failed to locate my abs. Please, if you have seen my abs, or recall being impressed by them in the past (even remotely), contact Marijana Ancic immediately to confirm their existance and, more importantly, that there is still a chance of their return.


(again, artist representation. Though closer)

CONTACT: Me. But leave a message. I'll probably be playing videogames.

Friday, September 07, 2007


Holy Crap! I have a blog...
Is what I realized this morning when dear Mama said she'd read it last week. And then I thought 'Holy Crap, I haven't written anything in a month' followed by 'I wonder if everyone on the Island is actually dead' because I was catching up on lost season 3.
So here's my question to you: Who still reads this crap? If YOU do, please leave a quick comment.
Sure, ideally I should blog for the love of blogging (and I really do enjoy it), but the addition of a ladyfriend and XBOX360 in my life means that there's more pulls on my free time.
Long story short, leave a message after the beep...