Monday, October 30, 2006

Half-Assed Costume Critique '06

Last year's theme: Pulp Fiction. This year's theme: Kill Bill!
In mere days I'll be posting pictures of MJ and I in our Halloween gear. She was Gogo and I was a Crazy 88. Unfortunately, she had to carry a homemade mace around all night so people wouldn't think she was just a psycho schoolgirl.

In the meantime, I thought It'd be fun to be a jerk and review Halloween Costumes. Specifically: Half Assed Halloween Costumes.

(Update: Upon review my costume was fairly half-assed as well.)

The Name Tag Costume:

Here's a quick test - if your costume can't be deciphered without a name tag ("Hi, I'm an 80's Vampire") - then you, my friend, have a bonefide half-assed costume.

Exceptions: The guy who was Mel Gibson in Rehab. Funny stuff.

The 'One Piece':

Upon deep reflection, my costume this year was a definite 'One Piece'. I.e, if I were to take off just one part of my costume (in this case, a mask), I would have just been 'guy in suit'. Granted, I added blood for a combined costume cost of 4$. Point being - if it comes down to some 'crazy wicked prop I found in storage' - then you, good sir, have a half assed costume.

The Novelty Shop Costume

Funny - but half-assed. You know these guys or gals walking around in a 'kissing booth' or 'Donkey's Ass' shopped at a Spencer's gifts the night before and put down a cool 50$ for a pre-fab novelty costume. What's worse is pre-fab novelty costumes that take up the space of 3 people in a party. As much as Joe looks funny in his 'Portable Mammary tester box' - it looses its appeal the third time he knocks your drink out of your hand.Exceptions: Home-made novelty costumes. Effort = full-ass and risk.

The Generic

These are the guys who shopped last minute but couldn't really muster up the energy to go beyond the fall backs. I'm looking at you "Doctor and Nurse Combo" or "Cowboy" and even "2$ Horror Mask and Robe"

The 'Yo, I 'aint Dressin' Up' No-Costume'

A 'too-cool' fallback. Dude, its Halloween - you wouldn't show up to a wedding without a suit would you? Or maybe you would because 'you're beyond that'. Have some fun! Live a little!

The 'Excuse to Be Damn Sexy' Costume

Actually - I have no problem with this.

Disclaimer: I've been known to be a half-asser on multiple occasions - so if you took offense, let me be the first to apologize...right after I get up off the couch...which doesn't look likely to happen anytime soon.


Scribe of Dreams said...

The last is my fave, there were a couple of those at the party I attended.

I would also ad (probly part of the one piece) those that dont dress up as somthing, but just dress up..a feather boa and a pimp hat do not a costume make.

nor does a girl wearing a coloured wig and notthing else (unless its literally nothing else, then , its just hot)

Creative Freakin' Genius said...

I'm one of those people that thinks of the PERFECT costume the day AFTER Halloween and always SWEARS that I am going to get said costume made and ready to go for all-hallows-eve of next and never does.

I would like to quote the "S&M" costume I came up with about 5 yrs ago and still haven't gotten up off the couch to do anything about.

Picture M&M's costume pattern, but it's a BLACK M&M with silver lettering that says S&M. Just add doggie collar and leash and VOILA!

I know what you're thinking. I still have 24 hours or so to get it together but please don't hold your collective breaths. I just don't see it happening.

There's always next year.....

Attention Whore said...

I have done pretty much all of the above, although the last one is the one that I pretty much stick to these days. When else do you have an excuse to be a skanky ho? And trust me - there were lots of those around this Saturday. One girl at the party was wearing a bra and what looked like a tribe buff from Survivor. That was all...and no, that wasn't me!

Anonymous said...

I aint dressing up either, you crazy perverts who need costumes to give you the gumption to be crazy are living on David Gilmour's Island. Come on people, you don't need to dress to be able to relate. Just let it all hang out there....vic bickell