Thursday, March 08, 2007

This In No Time For Joking, Gigantic Turkey Sub

A bit of a hybrid post as I do have one great link to share and then a rant on Videogame Stores (which fits in well with the whole 'I'm a giant geek' theme).

First though, the link to a superb SNL sketch: SNL BUSINESS MEETING
Secondly - my new favorite music video (for all the wrong reasons)

To be fair, I hadn't actually seen any of these until someone pointed it out. And by someone I meant www.pointlesswasteoftime.com. And that's not a plug, because he's doing fine.

Thirdly- I thought I'd share with you my new character sheet for a new TV Sitcom I'm pitching. Actually, its a thinly veiled rant on franchise Videogame Stores *ahemebgamesahem*. I've been on both sides of the cash machine, so I'll try to be fair...

For your consideration...

"PLAYED OUT":
A Wacky Expose on the Lives of Video Game Employees

THE STORE MANAGER: Bo Knowsall!
Does Bo know games? You bet your obsolete Dreamcast he does! In fact, he knows games so well he the hot shot behind the counter who'll be the first to make any customer feel like a total douchebag for asking any game related question! Didn't pre-order? You don't want Bo to find out! Douchebagoramma! Just 25 and on his way to an apartment all for himself, Bo is king of the ring! Ladies look out!

THE TOKEN HOT EMPLOYEE: Vicky Von Outtaplace!
Who knows how an attractive girl wound up at an EB Games store, but you won't find Bo and the others complaining! No siree! Vicky's got a fiery attitude and a head for all things Sims and Sims related! Whether she's marking up a used game well beyond its value or locking away the pre-orders, you won't care how much she screws you on trade-in value, just as long as she smiles! Teehee! Oh Vicky!

THE JADED GAMER EMPLOYEE! Derrek Obscuro!
Ack! Mainstream games are for the sheep! Fresh from his job as sour faced music store employee, Derrek is ready to make you feel like cheap corporate whore for buying anything that doesn't have big eyed anime pre-teens! Grumble grumble Derrek - I guess we'll never be as game savvy as you!

THE EXPERT EMPLOYEE! Jack HotShot
Man - don't you hate customers who know nothing about games? Jack does! Whether he's putting a mother in her place or trash talking clueless customers behind the XBOX display, Jack's the man to go for everything game related. Keep on keepin' on Jack! Booyeah!

THE FANBOY REGULAR - Clarence Gimmeajobplease
Just because he doesn't work there, doesn't mean he can't tell you what a piece of shit PS3 and PSP are! When not making sweet sweet love to all Nintendo related products, you'll find the Fanboy settling in at the front desk for a fun filled 8-hour shift of talking to anyone who will listen! Hey, did you hear about Clarence's take on the latest BSG cliffhanger? You will! And did you hear about how Clarence totally traded in his Mario Party 7 only to find out that he also gave up his gamecube microphone! Boy howdy, you'll hear about that too! Better line up, friend, because Clarence has this counter covered! Huzzah!

THE CREEPY COMIC RELIEF: Carl Onparole
He doesn't really know games, but that doesn't stop Carl from shuffling around and staring at Vicky's boobs. Once a month, he might buy an old Madden game - but only if its on sale! Uh-oh!

THE SHADY EXECUTIVE: Dr. NicklenDime
Who's the mysterious voice behind the phone at demands all employees shove useless warranties down customer's throats! It's crazy Dr. NicklenDime! Keep an eye on your wallet and never, ever, suggest going to Wal Mart.

I'll be auditioning roles after I finish the script. Please send headshots to matto2000@hotmail.com.

8 comments:

Creative Freakin' Genius said...

You can download your new fav song as a ringtone for your phone. Tell ya "what, what" - I'll pay the 1-99 if you keep it on your phone for a week!

Steven "junkie" Hobo said...

My headshot is being Fedexed to you as we speak...I'm auditioning for the role of Vicky.

One question though..and I know you know the answer...which of these characters was meant to be you? Or should I ask which ones? You know you had yourself in mind. I'm thinking Carl...

Glad you're back to your old self again, and hopefully you're not too mad about my last post that was intended to be a joke (because you never wrote back...sniif sniff.) It was really more a comment of me checking your blog daily and having to go a week without hearing the thoughts of the day. It's like crack, but with having to use your brain. On that note, I have to go...do something...over there...

Scribe of Dreams said...

I know i'm a little late but the dreamcast is still selling and having new games released...crazy i know.

sorry for my long abscence,,,i've uh...been ...on vacation..yah thats it..my daily routine changed drastically recently, so i dont check the internet very often...yeah thats it.

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