Friday, December 01, 2006

Ode to Dick-Superman


You know what the world really needs? More Super-assholes. Not your standard everyday assholes, but your Krypton-born/Radiated/Astral-being breed of douchebags.

Do you know what the best part of Superman III was? (Some points if you said 'when it ended'). It was when bland Superman took a hit of fake kryptonite and became an absolute dick.

Not evil...a dick...and this was the best decision ever made in the Superman Universe.

What did Dick-Superman do? Why, he did what ever other guy would do with god-like powers...he messed around with people. In the span of just a twenty minute montage, Dick-Superman grew a 5 o'clock shadow, gelled his hair, straightened the Leaning Tower of Pisa (thus expertly destroying local tourism), blew out the Olympic Flame (which is about 10 on the douchebag scale of international dickery), trashed a bar and scored with the bimbo villainesse - in the villain's own ski chalet. Kudos, dick superman, kudos.

Needless to say, Dick Superman was a hit at the Bradford-Ancic apartment. We even made a song:

He'll stop traffic just to keep you late,
He'll melt the ice so you can't skate,
He'll take the last M&M's from the vending machine,
And throw them out just to be mean,
He'll spin the earth backwards just for fun,
And make it rain in Florida - when he's done!
He's Dick Superman!
Dick Supermaaaaaaan!

So here's to you Dick-Superman. Though you may be mild-mannered now, here's hoping there's plenty of red/funky kryptonite in your future.

4 comments:

Scribe of Dreams said...

Even though your fixing it (and most other people wont see it) i feel it is needed to point out that you are in fact...dumb..thats right...dumb...the Eiffel tower is not in need of "straightening"...for referance thats in paris...not the italian town of PISA..like the famed slanted piller of faulty architecure.

but i agree with everything else...very nicely done...i think i'll go guy some M & M's

Meagan said...

Hey there Matto-
How's it going cuz? Wow, it's been a long time since we went gallavanting along the streets of downtown TO after a few too many shots of tequila! Now you live in Red Mouse (or wait, is that Red Moose), Oil-Land, and I live almost as far east in the country as you can go. A little crazy. Sounds like you're doing smashingly! Nice new wheels! And tell MJ I think she's beautiful!

Your blog makes me laugh!

From, your crazy cousin, who, despite being a month older, suddenly feels wayyyy younger now that you're going all domestic, bought a car, and have a *real* job. :)

Attention Whore said...

You and your mad-lyric skills!
Sung to the tune of what?

Anonymous said...

AWWW,I love ,m&m;s :(
Why would superman do that?
He really is a dick!
Hey doesn''t dick superman remind you of "mr asshole" that plays on the Bear?