Monday, January 08, 2007

An Open Letter to Sirius Satellite Radio

Dear Sirius Satellite Radio.

Vagina. Cock. Titties. See? I can be uncensored too. Kind of fun, eh? In fact, I'm just going to go ahead and insert those three words every second sentance in case you forgot how 'uncensored' and trendy I am.
Shit. Fuck. Cock. Man I'm like the Flavor Flave of white guys!
Anyways, just writing to say hello. I'm not actually paying for your service yet as I received it free for 6 months, but believe me when I say that I'll be lining up to pay money once my free preview is over. What was that again? 150$ set up and 15 bucks a month? Sign me up! Hey - when are you packaging air? Can I get on the short list?
Anus. Nipples.
You know one of the main things I hated about regular radio? The lack of discussion on blowjobs and anal sex. So imagine my surprise when these VERY issues were being discussed on virtually every channel (save for the Disney Channel). What's more, no matter which of your 'speciality' channels I'm on, I can always rely that the discussion will inevitably turn to sex and/or blantant homophobia and racism. Suggestion: perhaps you could better market yourselves as 'Howard Stern Sirius Radio: 200 Channels of Everyone trying to be Howard Stern'. Maybe that title's too long? Just a thought.
Quick question - why place the absolutely crude adult humor one channel away from the family humor? I'll answer that - because you guys are genius.
Cock. Poo. Herpes.
I do have one problem though. I seem to be getting unwanted interference At various 'breaks', I will hear commercials or 60 second long promos instead of non-stop laughery and today's #1 hits. Perhaps I should buy an upgrade? I'm totally down with commercial free radio - of course, as long as there aren't any pre-recorded sponsor-paid advertisements. Which they're aren't....right? Must be a hardware thing.
Oh - and your songs are stuck on loop. Again - might be my system.
Otherwise, guys, keep up the good work. Before you I just downloaded podcasts for free. Now I can listen to them on an always-changing schedule.
It's a brave new world.

I (heart) you,
Matt Bradford


Attention Whore said...

You felt that strongly that you had to post it twice? Or perhaps you just like putting the filth on your page as many times a possible....(ME TOO..hee hee)
And you are ALL for ad free radio? that not sacrilige? Uhm - do you not currently possess a job that depends on this very thing?
AND - one last thing - Writer's workshops - FEB - YOU IN????

Creative Freakin' Genius said...

May I start by saying...
( clit, fartlocker, rimjob )
that I don't fully understand...
( just blew my load )
what the issue is. I mean...
( handjob, blowjob, rimjob )
isn't that just free-speech in action? But then again....
( nipple ring, cock ring )
they sort of took the "free" out of free speech when they started charging for a subscription.

Something to give Sirius thought to.
( meatlocker, canoe licker, fudgepacker, breast, tits, knockers, ass, fuck her in the ear )

Yours truly,

( So she walked out on stage totally naked with a German Shepard and I thought, what the.... )

dazula said...

hee hee "poo"